NOH THEATER

Mystery Science Theater 3000, sketch during Invasion of the Neptune Men (MSTK #819).

DRAMATIS PERSONÆ

MIKE NELSON

CROW T. ROBOT, A 'BOT

TOM SERVO, A 'BOT

GYPSY, A 'BOT

Location: Bridge of the Satellite of Love.

CROW

Hello and....

BOTS

Konnichi wa!

SERVO

Tonight we present a traditional Japanese Kabuki play. Translated to English, this ancient work is entitled Neil Simon's The Sunshine Boys.

Now, how many of you are familiar with Japanese theater?

(NELSON looks around. He's the only one in an audience of folding chairs).

Anybody field this one... Anyone at all...(NELSON tentatively raises his hand) Ah yes, you sir; and you enjoy Kabuki theater?

NELSON

Uh, actually I prefer Noh theater.

CROW

Well, then, why did you raise your hand?

NELSON

Because I like Noh theater. Noh plays are my favorite.

SERVO

So you don't like any theater at all?

NELSON

No, let me explain. Noh theater is classic Japanese drama. Noh plays have been produced since the 13th century, and Noh actors are revered even today.

CROW

Why are you dissing Japanese theater? What's your deal, man?

NELSON

No, wait a minute! Noh theater started in Japan...

SERVO

Oh, so now you tell us Japan doesn't have any theater whatsoever?

NELSON

They have lots of theater, including Noh theater!

CROW

So they have lots of theater and they have no theater?

NELSON

Exactly!

SERVO

No theater?

CROW

What?

NELSON

Yes!

BOTS

WHAT?!

NELSON

Noh theater!!!! N...O....H!!!!

SERVO

N-O-H, huh? There you just go and show what an idiot you are!

CROW

I'll handle this, Tom, calm down! Mike: I'm going to ask you a series of simple questions which even a cretin like you could answer yes or no.

Now, is there theater in Japan?

NELSON

Yes.

CROW

Good, and do you have a particular favorite type of Japanese theater?

NELSON

Yes.

CROW

Well, good, now we're getting somewhere! Mike: will you tell me the name of your favorite form of Japanese theater?

NELSON

Noh!

CROW

Why not?

NELSON

Why not what?!

CROW

Why won't you tell me your favorite Japanese theater?

NELSON

I just did.

CROW

Did what?!

NELSON (spits out each word)

Told you my favorite form of Japanese theater!

CROW

You did?

NELSON

Yes!!!

CROW

Well, will you tell me again?

NELSON

Yes! NOH!

SERVO

Oh, come on!

CROW

Mike, I'm going to grab a step ladder so you can jump up my butt!

SERVO

May we do our little Kabuki play now?

NELSON

Yes, but just remember I like Noh theater better than I like Kabuki theater.

CROW

I thought you didn't like Kabuki!

NELSON

I do!!!

BOTS (Sobbing)

NELSON (Aside to fourth wall)

You got to mess with them every now and then...(Commercial sign flashes) We'll be right back.

GYPSY

I get it, Mike...